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Self Help

by Nighttrain

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Kai Astoundingly good. As good as they come.
Favorite track: hapnis n 5 E.Z-teps.
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1.
Nostalgia 04:38
Learn to speak a language that you can understand, even if you are the only one who can speak it. They will learn. They will learn. You are on your own. You've always been on your own. When I'm hurting I do strange things — I do crazy things to make myself feel good. Everything he touched became sentimental. Now you save the most tiny little things. Let it go. Make your own nostalgia. I'm so tired of making plans to be happy when all I do is romanticize misery. Stop telling me that things were better when you were young and that to be strong as a man you have to camouflage all of your affection. All the plans you make for the future are deceiving. You don't have to keep the past alive with your grieving. Nostalgia — like an open cut down your back. No matter what you do they ask, Are you okay? I am writing new songs about love and how to love and if you think that theme is overdone then go and listen to another song, because all I want is for you to feel loved so you can love me and then I can love myself and give it all back to you. You can feel as though you'll never die so long as you constantly recall to your mind that you'll die. I would rather take an honest lie than to be told of some fictional time when things were supposedly better all of the time. The past is the truth but even truth gets out of line. I've heard a lot of bullshit on what it means to be tough. You need something to hate with conviction and a cache of empty opinions. And that's all fine with me but leave your scars behind and be kind to me.
2.
Diogenes 05:24
Everyday we feel we need to make a better name for ourselves. We can live beneath the stars and eat the fruit from trees that never rot and still sometimes I love everything that I'm not. Like a candle burning in the sun, you feel like a fool but you keep on burning. Don't say a word or expose (keep your hands on the wheel) Don't expose how you feel (keep your eyes on the road) What a curse it is for Man to dream when everything we need is far away. But settle down. You don't have to make what you think you are as something to shun when you can't get anything done. You can be an instrument of peace and not have a god if you know what you are. I know that I'm on medication that keeps me on what the internet called "equal footing with my surroundings." And if I don't make enough money I'm lazy and if I work too much I won't have character. But I know what I am, and what I am is something that doesn't need to be compared to anyone or anything at all. I was born in California, but it don't feel right calling any single place my home because home is a place we find. And you'll find Drape a cloak on your fears (time and time again your roof's on fire) Don't verbalize what you doubt (time and time again your roof's on fire) Set a flame for all to see. But time and time again you feel like a fire in the sun. But settle down. You don't have to make what you think you are as something to shun when you can't get anything. You don't have to make what you think you are as something to shun when you can't get anything done. You don't have to be what you think you are if what you think is no good. Do you understand me? Feel it. You can be what you had always wanted to be so long as you know you that you are the only person who can see it. Breathing is enough to be akin to the rest of the world. You are beautiful and free. There is no one here you need to impress for the sake of yourself. You are just enough for me. You have given love and that is enough for the sake of the world to be a citizen of it.
3.
You wake up in the dark of your room. And maybe later when you get up you’ll hear this tune. But getting up with the sun already going down makes you wonder if the city's what you need right now. But sometimes a Saturday is just like the rest. But now instead of working shift you have to clean up the nest and maybe later find a park and put your feet in the ground and people ask if tonight you’re going on the town. But everything I just said was in my head. I couldn’t get past the step of leaving my bed. I wish I lived on a mountain where it was okay to sleep a day or two straight. Wake me up in May. But luckily I got a girl with a perfect charm and all the stars like the sparkle when she moves her arms. She is what you call a triple threat up on the stage. I like to sing her all the reasons why she makes my day. And I don’t have to be the best poet writer around. I want to leave ambition and the competition now. As long as we get to write a little tune like this, we’ll live a life where we don’t have to be famous. I call her tiger and she still calls me by my name. And when she speaks I get a chill coming down my mane. And she can touch all her toes with her knees all straight. She’s gonna get me out of bed and kiss me into shape. Smoke has a shadow just like anything else, but as it splits into particles you can’t even tell where the sunlight goes at the end of the day. I wonder sometimes if the dark will evaporate from the lives that we have and are lucky to live. At least we try to be as grateful as our minds can give. A lot of thoughts all begin with the exact same take: You better bundle up now. You better bundle up now. Winter ain’t coming for another six months and I’ve been swimming in the cold of my sheets and running like a dog in a dream chasing sheep for friends who never look him in the eye as they jump that fence. But luckily I got a girl with my hands in her hair that makes the daylight shed into the bedroom air. I’m not sure if I’ll get out the door by ten or whether this was the life that I wanted when I was a boy and time was like the end of a book — it didn’t matter which way the final chapter took. But now I’m living that chapter again and again. At least the start of each page is with my tiger, Em. When she goes to L.A., I know she’ll have it made. We're both responsible adults, just a plane right away. And planning out all the years that have not come by — have they gone by now? Should I wake up now? I soon found out that being alone would be the balm for the lips which became so alone. The past is the present but the future is blind. You better bundle up now. You better bundle up now. I got a girl with a perfect charm and all the stars like to sparkle when she moves her arms. She is what you call a triple threat up on the stage. I like to sing her all the reasons why she makes my day. And I don’t have to be the best writer poet around. I want to leave ambition and the competition now. As long as we get to write a little tune like this, we’ll live a life where we don’t have to be famous. I call her tiger and she still calls me by my name. And when she speaks I get a chill coming down my mane. And she can touch all her toes with her knees all straight. She’s gonna get me out of bed and kiss me into shape.
4.
No direction. Step one is realize there's no direction. The problem is feeling that you need a reason for direction. Step two, always keep in your mind that you're alone. Step three is to not complicate something as simple as kindness. You are always allowed to be kind. Step four is to love yourself. Step five is accepting to relearn all of these again.
5.
Open up your eyes, Sleepwalking Man. Are you lost in your head or is your head in the sand? I’ve got Jesus on the radio. Television set in my secret soul. And if you don’t have God, then you don’t have love. Or that’s what they said when I was growing up. And who do you believe is the prophet of your fate when you realize your hands are cuffed? Open up your eyes, Sleepwalking Man, or are you lost inside your head? Or just sick of Disneyland? Midnight drive. Soda cans. Whiskey Eyes. Will you hold my hand? Well, I’d rather make a bad decision than face a misery I cannot understand. And I’ve been an orphan to memory — making grass grow out of sweat and tears. Mirrors of smoke make a mind what it is. Did I love you then or was I just a kid? Open up your eyes, Sleepwalking Man. Electric fences overhead, up on your thoughts, but you never cry because you’re living life to die. Are you stuck in the same place? Are you drinking all night? If history repeats itself, does that mean that I’m stuck in Hell? I’m not sleeping so well. Do you believe what you see? Every word I write will deceive who you think is me. City lights. Lonely town. Desert skies are my secret crowns. Won’t you come back down? Motel Happy Clown.
6.
Sometimes it takes someone to die to see through both your eyes and lose the will to lie to yourself. The truth is that I'm waiting for my prince to come to show me how to live a life without the sum of all the death I've seen. So many people gone. Too many people gone. I've seen so many people gone. I've seen too many people gone.
7.
Sitting in a dark room on a Monday after work. Wish I had the words to say just how I'm feeling. Everyone's got their issues but no time to help a neighbor cuz everyone's got their own stuff. I never thought I'd have to turn away from my friends. Didn't realize that I hated me so much. Wish I had a brother who would listen to me — who would listen to myself. The problem is that I give everyone all my time and love before I give myself what I need. What I need. What I need from me. What I need from me. I wish I would just give me what I need.
8.
You don't know when the change is coming, but you know it's just a matter of when. Sky catch on fire. Streets are flooding. If you knew the end, would you even begin? Everyone's a prophet but no one follows. It's hard to follow yourself. I'm gonna be the one to save us. I'm gonna give my love and treat us right. I don't know when the change is coming. I just know it's a matter of when. Sky catch fire. Streets are flooding. If you knew the end, would you even begin? You don't need a weapon. You don't need a weapon. You don't need to be a warrior. You don't need to be a killer. You don't need to be a killer in order to protect what you love. You won't need to, no. On new year's eve. Too many people alone on New Year's Eve. You can do it now. I'm gonna follow myself now. I'm gonna give my love and treat us right. I'm gonna give my love and treat us right. I'm gonna give my love and treat you right. I'm gonna give my love and treat us right. (If you knew the end, would you even begin?) On New Year's Eve. Too many people alone on New Year's Eve.
9.
It's too late. It's too late to fall in love with her. And what I had to give — I shudda gave it sooner. Maybe you can get her back, man. Let it go. Head splitting in two separate pieces. Maybe you can get her back, man. Let it go. I'm talking to you and still can't think of what to say. If I was different, would you stay? But that's not who I was. Communication in my mind was ever clear — guess that people fall in love with their minds. Maybe you can get her back, man. Let it go. I don't want to lose to you but with all the paths that I've been choosing— was a matter of time. And I can only guess how many roads your head was hiking but I gave it try. There's always another light switch in your room but I can never seem to find it. (Maybe you can get her back, man) How can I be rational when I'm not even sure what I am saying? (It's too late to fall in love) (What you had to give — you shudda gave it sooner) (Don't apologize because you don't believe me) (What you need is a little less of it) I am sorry. I don't know what I am sorry for, but it's got something to do with giving out my love in all directions and not seeing it was gonna starve you, her and me. A little less than what I have is all that I will ever want to need. Maybe when you wired up your brain it was how things were pose' to be. I used to think the most important people in the room were you and me.
10.
The day I died took half my life away. And I spent my time feeling cast away. And I miss it when you take my hours and spend my time. And there is always someone more graceful behind our eyes. I'd seen in movies that, on Ferris wheels, the carriages stopped so you could kiss your boy or girl. And I never had this midnight Coney Island dream. It's funny how these things happen to regular people like you and me. I forgot the name of the woman who said to me, in a whisper through my hair, that love may be suicide but suicide can't be love. And if we're playing our hearts for keeps, won't you first give to me what you're giving up?
11.
He said to me, "If you choose beauty, beauty will choose you. Live in the shade of a furled brow, and all you'll see is shade. Your hands feel blind. Your eyes feel numb behind that glass frame." And he said, "Time works slow on you, but it works on you all the same. And it's just as simple as it's always been. We just don't have the facts in front of us. And sooner or later you'll find you're still a face in the crowd." "I'm going to make movie before I die. It's going to be a big production. And no one's going to be an extra. Everyone's a character. And there are going to be millions of people. And it will take years to watch the whole thing. It'll take years and years just to watch the credits alone. And the first person to watch it will have the facts in front of them and no one will be a stranger. "It's just as simple as it's always been. We just don't have the facts in front of us. No matter how many faces you wear, you're still a face in the crowd." (You can do so many things) (Be good to yourself) Gonna make a movie. S'gonna be a big production.
12.
Caretaker 04:41
What will come tomorrow? You never never know. You never never know. I can wash your hands. I can wash your feet and we can watch a movie. You don't have to know who I am to know that I love you. You don't have to know where I've been. You don't have to remember me. Long life behind and ahead of you. I'm glad I have you now. I'm glad I have you now. I can wash your clothes. I can put you to bed. You make me happy. You don't have to know who I am. You don't. You don't have to know where I've been. You don't have to remember me.

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Join Dr. Nighttrain M.D. PhD on a journey of the soul!
In just 5 easy steps, take control of your life, pave your pathways to happiness and learn to hold your own hand.
Free consultations: 1-800-YOU-MTTR (968-6887)

credits

released November 1, 2022

Mastering and Additional Mixing by Zach Chapple i.e. Cameraperson
Additional Vocals: Kaitlyn Ortega i.e. Tega
All other instruments and sounds by Nighttrain
Special Thanks to Ray Mullin

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Nighttrain San Francisco, California

Nighttrain borrowed his cousin's Tascam 4-Track and started his own pharmacy. He is giving out free prescriptions.

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